Txt Tlk- The official language of the Moron culture.

I judge people. Not on the colour of their skin or what class in society they belong to. Well maybe what class they belong to. But this is only due to the fact that in today's equal and fair society one has the chance to rise above whatever miserable class they were born into and strive for greatness. Like I did. Alas some people are just plain lazy. Anyway I'm not here to have a go at the lower classes. Contrary to popular belief I actually think they're pretty decent. But obviously on the whole it's probably best we don't mix.


"But Jezebel you're such a kind and tolerant person, who could you possibly judge"? I hear you ask. Well I'll tell you. I immediately judge anyone who butchers the English language or attempts to incorporate text talk into a conversation. In FACT I instantly form a deep-seated hatred for the offender and my opinion will never waver. EVER. You're as a good as dead to me. In fact just die, so you cant ever inflict your vile mutant text talk on innocents like myself again.

Yesterday whilst chatting on MSN a certain person who I shall not name, but who was of the male variety ,kept responding to my "chats" with LOL. I'm not well versed with these abominable abbreviations (because I choose not to be) and gathered he was trying to say "Lots Of Love". It seemed like the most obvious assumption to come to as I'm pretty sure he was infatuated with me. No moves had ever been made ,but I felt that was probably because he was in it for the long haul and hoped to woo me one day.

Naturally being the classy kind hearted sort that I am ,I decided not to end the conversation abruptly. Although I did immediately recoil at the very sight of his declarations of love. But seeing as he clearly had it bad for me I had the decency to let him go on and on until he began to talk about his fathers recent death. It all became a bit tiring and I personally felt it was a little inappropriate to talk about such a matter online. So in the end I logged off. Pretending my Internet was down.

Later that evening ,being the caring sort, I began to think about him. So I decided I'd send him a Facebook MSG. I thought I'd indulge the poor bastard in his own language. So I kindly wrote on his wall, "Sorry to hear of your loss. My deepest sympathies. LOL Jez." I was satisfied with that and went to bed feeling happy.

Then, today ,my Nosy Parker friend calls me to say Laughing Out Loud at the death of someones father was not on and I had gone too far. "What are you going on about, you stupid bint", (I whispered the last bit under my breath). "You wrote LOL after your message to (the moron who shall not be named)", she spat down the phone at me. Well boy was I mad when she explained my error. Not only did I look insensitive I had lowered myself to write LOL, for everyone to see.

In a rage , I rang him. I explained myself but he didn't seem to be listening to a word I was saying. I lost my cool."What exactly where you laughing out loud at, you pillock?", I began to shout down the phone. " It wasn't in the least bit funny, witty possibly, but surely every sentence I wrote didn't merit a "LOL"?", I awaited a reply, but he was silent. So I called him an "oily little sycophant" and hung up.

Nosy Parker just called me back there, apparently today was sycophants fathers funeral.

BTW-SOZ