Adam had borrowed my car to drive to a family members funeral. He had been sulking about my decision not to attend with him all week. It was really getting on my wick.I never knew his gaga grandmother.I flat out refused to come visit her in that home from the get go. Weekly I found myself reiterating my feelings on Alzheimer's "Once that kicks in, they're really not worth getting to know ,waste of time," I'd tell him. But that just wasn't enough for him, he just kept on and on and me. Which was a school boy error on his part as once pressured I won't budge.Truth be told that old woman was fast becoming a thorn in my side, so good riddens to her.
Anyway with all the grieving and sulking I caved and told him he could borrow my car. I really do spoil that man. But that's love for you!
Earlier though ,as I took in my surroundings at the bus stop that love started to dwindle. Fast.It was bloody freezing and myself and the rest of the cattle where huddled together underneath the shelter to escape the rain. It was most undignified.After five minutes of hell, I sighed to those around me: “This waits a bloody joke, isn’t it?” The idiots just smiled like sheep and a woman said, “Oh, I don’t really mind waiting. There’s worse places I could be right now.” I knew at that moment that she was probably a heroin addict and the places she referred to were prisons.
After what felt like a lifetime I spotted the bus trudging down the road. My little face lit up. It was at this point I realised I had hit an all time low. Thankfully the rest of the mob were waiting on other buses. Which were undoubtably headed straight to hell or some sort of scummy council estate. I boarded the bastard ,but not before turning on my heel and adding “You're all a bunch of stupid cunts,” because that kind of language is the only kind they understand.
The journey was as grim as expected. Diseases like alcoholism, Aids and cold sores were no doubt lurking in the seats. Screaming brats and smelly old farts surrounded me. I took my seat and prayed no one would sit next to me. Next thing you know a sorry looking specimen plonked himself down beside me. The smell of piss and wet dog was overpowering. I tried not to inhale and edged closer to the window. Then he had the nerve to attempt to make chit chat with me about the weather and other banal subjects.That's when I saw them in his hand. The swine was selling The Big Issue. On a bloody bus, you're safe nowhere these days. Well I stood up before he even had a chance to ask me for €3, which is a fucking joke , by the way. "Listen up you disease-ridden waster, I'm on to you, I smelt you a mile off. I will not be accosted at this hour of the morning on the way to WORK ", I yelled. He then mumbled something feeble about just trying to be friendly and earn a living. Blablablabla.I shouted back at him: "You don't see people like me selling garbled nonsense on a bus, do you? I chose to get a real job and make my money honestly!" He made a lewd hand gesture at me. I moved seats.
Then, to my horror ,some dole scum mother with a snotty babe hanging from her arm attempted to buy a copy ."You’re not buying one of them, are you?" I asked her, incredulously. But she was already engaged with the brute scrambling for change. I mean the moron probably cant afford to buy nappies yet she was willing to hand over her "hard earned " cash to the foul smelling degenerate. "I hope you have fun spending that on your packet of heroin later!" I hissed at him.
My new seat had me sitting next to a pubescent pleb. Tinchy Stryder was pumping from his headphones and puss was pumping from his spots. I'd say he couldn't believe his luck when I sat next to him and I'm nearly convinced I saw a little bulge in his school trousers. I didn't mind though, it's very "hard" for them at that age, hormones ranging and that. He could ogle me all he wanted. No doubt I've earned a prize place in his wank bank! Bless. I'm generally a good sport about that sort of thing but when the little wanker produced a chicken roll dripping in egg mayonnaise, I felt nothing but contempt for the disgusting animal.
Firstly, eating whilst in transit is the mark of a ill mannered greedy cunt. But eating a roll of egg mayonnaise and chicken at 8.30 on a dirty old bus is beyond vile. As he gorged, I gagged. After what felt like an eternity my stop finally came up, I felt compelled to give the boy something to think about. " Enjoying that roll are you?" I chirped. "Yes you are, loving it, aborted foetus drenched in mayonnaise, wrapped up with it's dead mum in one yummy roll", I scoffed and bid him good day. I can only hope my words have hit home and the little cretin doesn't bastardise another roll or another innocent passengers morning.
It's with a heavy heart that I must admit there is a clear boundary that divides me from the other humans I share this country with. Shame it's not clearer. Today that line became blurred and boundaries were crossed. I can only console myself by remembering that, thankfully, Adam will be back with my car tomorrow and I'll be driving by the bus stop , slowly,with my two fingers up at the cattle.
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