I have always been one those annoying people who excels at absolutely anything I throw my hand to. Occasionally I'll mess about with a paint brush and end up producing something Van Gogh would be envious of. Tracey Emin in fact once said that I had a pretty good chance at getting into the Saatchi gallery, cause my work was that good. And I only do it is a hobby. Now I have never been one to brag about my artistic ability, but it is an undeniable fact that I have been blessed (some might say ‘cursed’) with a superior vision to most of society.
It’s a sad day that sees artists with real integrity beaten down by loud-mouth sensationalists. Last week some sexual deviant stumbled upon my blog. After reading my work he felt compelled to give me a telling off. And subsequently then blocked me from his facebook page. The pillock. I only accepted the friend request as I thought the man was a fellow artist. I was wrong on many levels. A graffiti artist is more vandal / scourge on society than artist. I really do despair at what people class as talent these days. Writing your tag name on a wall and stenciling some profound piece of wank on a shutter is not art. It's bollox and should be defecated on.
“Artist? you don't know the first thing about Picasso's brushwork“! I yelled at the computer screen. Street artists are a bunch of tossers who failed there leaving cert,drink their own piss, and masturbate hourly over the self proclaimed “art terrorist“ banksy. The most pathetic part about it is that they are surrounded by sycophants who would say vomit splattered on a toilet seat is innovative and displays a great use of colour.
Alas the vicious animal had already blocked me before I got the chance to inform him what a giant cunt cough he was. To call me a homophobe is laughable. If anything I am a big supporter of gays. One of my best friends is a FUCKING FAGGOT (he loves it when I call him that!)
Calling me a bender basher is bad enough but calling me a racist is what really got my panties in a twist.I believe racists should be locked up, in fact they should tortured and then gassed.If you are a decent person with a job, who doesn't commit crime or beg in the street like a dog, then you're okay with me.Whatever colour your skin is. I am someone who stands up and fights the hard fight for the rights of those less fortunate. This is why I oppose racism and now all graffiti scum.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
R.I.P Faesch
Most recently I've been accused by my boyfriend of killing his goldfish. Last night at 23:45 goldfish Maria 'Faesch' Fish was found dead in her bowl. Her body was discovered by my distraught boyfriend ,Adam ,who immediately suspected foul play. From the word go , Faesh had been a problem in our relationship. She clearly had issues with Adam having another woman in his life. Up until we met, Adam could only be described as a disgusting lay about, who spent his days sitting in his own filth, playing his beloved guitar and talking to the slimy ginger whore who resided in the bowl beside his bed.
Like playdoe I'm moulding him into the man I want him to be, a job which I don't take lightly. He's trying very hard to be a real man(bless him), and – with my help – he has come on really far in recent months. Adam isn't as talented, good looking or smart as me. And he fancies himself as being a singer/songwriter.Yuck. Him and his mediocre indie band of wankers make me want to vomit. After his last painful gig , I warned him that he better get his head out of the clouds and give up his juvenile hobby (and that’s just what it is, because it will NEVER be his career).
At this point I would like to point out that the fish had not entered my mind, and whatever crime I may have committed was not premeditated. At the end of the gig Adam decided to dedicate his last song to me in the hopes that maybe I would let him keep his band going. I think it made him look even more of a twat . Does he think that I am so naïve that I will be won over by some pathetic naming ceremony?
Later that night the insolent pig told me he would be playing a few more gigs as not to let his other band members down,who apparently couldn't find another guitar player . Which is complete crap. I told him I knew for a fact that any greasy haired busker off the street could have filled his shoes and he was to be expecting a two month sex ban. He whimpered on and on about how I was trying to change him and that he wasn't going to give up his guitar and he was keeping Faesch by the bed. Alas he wasn't able to argue his point very well. Having a degree I'm far superior at constructing an academic argument and he just wasn't eloquent enough to compete.
I didn't give a shit how many years him at that damn Fasech have been together, it's over now, he's with me and I wasn't going to stand by as she tears our relationship apart. She was becoming like an annoying ex girlfriend. And you tell me one person who wants their partners ex watching them with their bulbous eyes while you..well..you know....
And FYI just BECAUSE I am closer to god than most, classy and not willing to state the obvious . You might come to the obsurd conclusion that I am prudish . But, I have to break this to you: I am the princess of passion ,the countess of copulation and the duchess of dick!
Anywho whenever I finish up with a former partner, I want that person to get the fuck out of my face FOREVER and I probably wouldn’t even care if they got stabbed. I'm a real woman, an intelligent woman. I can talk-eloquently, I can dance, I can sing, I can write, and I can put on make-up better than that slut. I'm a human for god sake.So why on earth does he insist on keeping her in his life? Arent I enough?
It would appear I will have to be now that Faesch is swimming with fishes, shall we say! I flushed her before Adam had the chance to do an autopsy. I won't get into how Faesch met her fate as it's just crass and above all incriminating for my good self.
I let Adam write a song about her on the guitar and we sang it over the toilet. At the end of the day I'm a rational,warm loving woman and it's just a matter of time before Adam realises just how right I am about the fish, the band, and all my ideas for his future. I would make a fine wife for him, bear sons for him, die for him, well , take a bullet for him, but then survive and get a bravery award or something. How many men can say that about their women (really)?
It’s true what they say: girls are simply more emotionally mature than boys, and if Adam needs me to shepherd him out of the darkness and into the boat of true love, then I will stop at nothing until I have done just that. NOTHING.
Like playdoe I'm moulding him into the man I want him to be, a job which I don't take lightly. He's trying very hard to be a real man(bless him), and – with my help – he has come on really far in recent months. Adam isn't as talented, good looking or smart as me. And he fancies himself as being a singer/songwriter.Yuck. Him and his mediocre indie band of wankers make me want to vomit. After his last painful gig , I warned him that he better get his head out of the clouds and give up his juvenile hobby (and that’s just what it is, because it will NEVER be his career).
At this point I would like to point out that the fish had not entered my mind, and whatever crime I may have committed was not premeditated. At the end of the gig Adam decided to dedicate his last song to me in the hopes that maybe I would let him keep his band going. I think it made him look even more of a twat . Does he think that I am so naïve that I will be won over by some pathetic naming ceremony?
Later that night the insolent pig told me he would be playing a few more gigs as not to let his other band members down,who apparently couldn't find another guitar player . Which is complete crap. I told him I knew for a fact that any greasy haired busker off the street could have filled his shoes and he was to be expecting a two month sex ban. He whimpered on and on about how I was trying to change him and that he wasn't going to give up his guitar and he was keeping Faesch by the bed. Alas he wasn't able to argue his point very well. Having a degree I'm far superior at constructing an academic argument and he just wasn't eloquent enough to compete.
I didn't give a shit how many years him at that damn Fasech have been together, it's over now, he's with me and I wasn't going to stand by as she tears our relationship apart. She was becoming like an annoying ex girlfriend. And you tell me one person who wants their partners ex watching them with their bulbous eyes while you..well..you know....
And FYI just BECAUSE I am closer to god than most, classy and not willing to state the obvious . You might come to the obsurd conclusion that I am prudish . But, I have to break this to you: I am the princess of passion ,the countess of copulation and the duchess of dick!
Anywho whenever I finish up with a former partner, I want that person to get the fuck out of my face FOREVER and I probably wouldn’t even care if they got stabbed. I'm a real woman, an intelligent woman. I can talk-eloquently, I can dance, I can sing, I can write, and I can put on make-up better than that slut. I'm a human for god sake.So why on earth does he insist on keeping her in his life? Arent I enough?
It would appear I will have to be now that Faesch is swimming with fishes, shall we say! I flushed her before Adam had the chance to do an autopsy. I won't get into how Faesch met her fate as it's just crass and above all incriminating for my good self.
I let Adam write a song about her on the guitar and we sang it over the toilet. At the end of the day I'm a rational,warm loving woman and it's just a matter of time before Adam realises just how right I am about the fish, the band, and all my ideas for his future. I would make a fine wife for him, bear sons for him, die for him, well , take a bullet for him, but then survive and get a bravery award or something. How many men can say that about their women (really)?
It’s true what they say: girls are simply more emotionally mature than boys, and if Adam needs me to shepherd him out of the darkness and into the boat of true love, then I will stop at nothing until I have done just that. NOTHING.
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